“I might have actually a normally submissive personality, however I reap being forced….” – Mariposa

“How do you tell the male you love that you desire him to own you? That your desires are not of the vanilla kind. That you desire him to dominate you in eincredibly facet. That you require and crave after-effects for your brattiness. That periodically your bratty simply because you need him to put you ago in your location. That you desire him to spank you when you break the rules.”– Bratty Sub (unfortunately, her blog was extremely short-lived)

There are two various kinds of submissives*, in my experience. (Well, of course, tright here are an infinitude of kinds of submissives – but tright here are two valuable broad categories right into which submissives deserve to be split.)


On the other hand also, tbelow are what I think of asdevotedsubs – woguys whose pleasure doesn’t come in the minute of power’s being wrested from them, however for whom it comes in the moment of their willinglyhandingit over. These woguys don’t say “no,” they don’t question the dom’s wishes: if the dom wishes something, then these subs wish it, as well. Their pleacertain comes not from defiance being overpowered, however from devoted service. (In reality, if it were true that their defiance couldnotbe obtained by pressure, that they were also physically strongto be “beaten,” then so much the better, for all associated.)

I can’t, won’t, analyze either the subs or the doms here. All I’ll say is that, for me, the use of the same word to describe these two very various kinds of entry appears dead wrong. What I crave, as a dom, is exactly the opposite of what a bratty sub has to offer; what I have to offer is specifically the oppowebsite of what she craves.

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I want to earn your trust, and, having actually earned it, be given your body. That providing, the trust installed in it, the confidence that all will certainly be great if left to me, is the moment of maximal excitement for me. And it’s precisely the “taking” of it that I desire to prevent, that I structure my dominancearoundavoiding: I don’twantto take somepoint from you. I want, at eextremely moment, to feel that what I want is, by meaning, what you desire. This is what, for me, is so powerful around submission: it ensures a complete congruence of desire, a congruence on which I might count, totally. And I take excellent pleacertain in achieving your submission by bring about you towantto offer it to me, quite than by takingit from you.

I take reassurance in that structural congruence.

For me, one of the the majority of hard elements of sex – one I’ve invested years working to get over – is what I think of as the legacy of a second-wave feminist mom: the idea that if I respect a woman, I’ll never usage her; that my desires always have to come second, not out of chivalry, however out of respect.

Turns out, I learned in my 30s, some woguys (most?) desperately want to be provided and objectified. What’s even more, sex is justbetter– forbothparties – if you’re selfish. Generosity doesn’t make for good sex, many of the moment (or, perhaps, ever). Michael Bader composed about this in his (excellent)Arousalandbelow, on hisweb website.

So I take nothing away from those who want their compliance, their entry, to be wrested from them – or from those doms that favor to technique a bratty sub.

But for me, I don’t want to discipline you: I desire perfect compliance, perfect yielding, perfect entry.

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And a note: Throughout, I describe submissives as female. This is because I’m a straight male dom (with some unexplored switch-y tendencies). I’m not presuming that submissiveness is in any type of method intrinsically female, that tright here aren’t plenty of submissive men and leading womales, or that I’ve also come close to identifying the range of gender/sexual twists obtainable. I’m just speaking ssuggest, about my own experience.