Frequently, there was no more important distinction than that. When I asked friends who went into consulting why they chose consulting, they often responded by saying, "I just don"t think I could deal with working that many hours" as if their career decision were a presupposed dichotomy between banking and consulting? And, sure enough, hours started pouring from the faucet of my office into the sink of my week just as promised. I chatted with my coworkers about it and occasionally mentioned it to my friends.
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I was the picture of a perfect post-undergrad IB analyst: disgruntled and passionately pursuing greener pastures. And it wasn"t long before I started to realize that my friends in more "traditional" jobs complained just as often about working too much as my friends in IB.
I decided to stop contributing to discussions about being dissatisfied with how many hours I was putting in and instead just listened to what others had to say. I spent hours listening to my friend ranting about how unfair it was that he was being paid for 35 hours per week 40 hrs. All said, I noticed very little correlation between the quantity of work and the amount of complaints about work. I think that this belief originates from a profoundly powerful, yet remarkable subtle metaphor that we employ in everyday language: time is money.
It"s one of the most frequent ways we communicate about time "I spent an hour with her", or "Could you lend me a few minutes of your time? But beneath the surface, it also implies two characteristics about our time: 1 our time is valuable and scarceand 2 when we "spend" our time on something, we expect to receive value commensurate with the amount of time spent.
Troublingly, I think this leads an erroneous conclusion : if I spend more time doing something, I will enjoy it more. This is the premise that causes us to believe that obtaining more "free time" would make us happier. After some thought, I have come to doubt the truth of this proposition, and I offer three examples of why I believe it to be untrue:.
This is the age-old problem with young love. Remember when your mother always told you that the reason you got in fights with your friends is because you were spending too much time with them?
Though you probably doubted it at the time, I think we grow into the realization that time apart is a valuable piece of a relationship.
More important than that, I think, is the scarcity of the time you spend together. When I spend a week boxed up in the office without being able to go out with friends, I often find that conversation is the most vibrant when we are reunited.When people ruminate, they over-think or obsess about situations or life events, such as work or relationships. Research has shown that rumination is associated with a variety of negative consequences, including depressionanxietypost-traumatic stress disorder, binge-drinking and binge-eating.
For some people, drinking or binge-eating becomes a way to cope with life and drown out their ruminations, according to Susan Nolen-HoeksemaPh. D, a psychologist and professor at Yale University. Rumination also becomes the fast track to feeling helpless.
Specifically, it paralyzes your problem-solving skills. It can even turn people away. Some ruminators may simply have more stress in their lives which preoccupies them, Nolen-Hoeksema noted.
For others, it may be an issue of cognition. Part of the reason is that women tend to be more concerned about their relationships. Engage in activities that foster positive thoughts.
That could be anything from a favorite physical activity to a hobby to meditation to prayer.
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Nolen-Hoeksema has also studied the opposite of rumination: adaptive self-reflection. When people practice adaptive self-reflection, they focus on the concrete parts of a situation and the improvements they can make. Do you tend to ruminate? What has helped to reduce your ruminating ways? Photo by Renato Ganozaavailable under a Creative Commons attribution license.
Margarita Tartakovsky, M. In addition to writing about mental disorders, she blogs regularly about body and self-image issues on her Psych Central blog, Weightless. Find help or get online counseling now. By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.
Associate Editor. Why does rumination lead to such harmful results? Not surprisingly, ruminating conjures up more negative thoughts. It becomes a cycle. Why People Ruminate Some ruminators may simply have more stress in their lives which preoccupies them, Nolen-Hoeksema noted. Positive Self-Reflection Nolen-Hoeksema has also studied the opposite of rumination: adaptive self-reflection.
Why Ruminating is Unhealthy and How to Stop. Psych Central. All rights reserved. Hot Topics Today 1. I Need A Break! Joel Schwartz.Top definition. I don"t disagree with you work. Essentially means, " I hear what you"re sayingbut I still think you"re full of shit. Often used in the work environment to piss off co-workers. Perky Employee: I think we should get a work group together to determine how to build company spirit.
I really think it would build morale. Co-Worker : I don"t disagree with you, but I think comp-days would work better. CNMB Homestuck Day Karenism Fadoodle Karenist Feminism Lame Stream Media Stulla Shaym National Kiss Your Homies Day CSA SLSL DIA Year 8 Alphabetical list I don"t care for this fucking shit I don"t care. I bag groceries I-don"t-care-ican I don"t care if he has to suck dicks for a living I don"t care if you fuck chickens I don"t care if you"re talking to God i dont care that you broke your elbow I don"t care to do that I don"t care who y"ar I don"t even, I can"t even I don"t even caare!
I don"t even curr I don"t even know I don"t even know what hole to put my dick in I don"t even know what that means i dont even wanna work.At the end of the year, Mr. Stanton was kind enough to give me the AP History Award for most outstanding student. I think he just appreciated someone always attentively listening instead of dozing off like some of my other classmates.
But I disappointed Mr. When I got the award, a couple classmates made me feel like a loser. They said I was a dork for liking history so much. As a result of such feedback, I decided not to study a lot for the AP History placement test, which could have given me college credit if I scored a 3 or better out of 5.
When Mr. I was not the most outstanding student he had envisioned and I felt horrible for letting him down. But if you remember one thing, remember to never let anybody keep you from going for what you want.
Thanks for always attending my classes and playing a good game of Risk! After Mr. The battle was on between trying to be the best, not wanting to be a disappointment to others, and never letting anybody keep me from doing what I enjoyed again.
The problem with trying so hard is that failure feels that much more painful.
Disappointing someone who believes in you is worse than disappointing yourself. Since college I consistently tried to massacre my mind and body by studying and working as hard as anyone. When I landed my first job, there was no question of getting in by am and leave after pm every day for the first two years because I knew nothing — and people who know nothing are easily disposable.
But after 13 short years, I was done. I no longer wanted to kill myself at the age of 34 so I left to make no money as a writer. I thought I could make it until age 40 in finance, but I was burned out. But like anybody who has ever run a meter or longer race, starting out too strongly can pose big problems towards the end. Now I spend a couple hours a day writing and another hour or so connecting with folks online. And on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays I spend my time playing tennis, running errands, or traveling.
Such a far cry from the hour days working in Corporate America. In the long run everything is rational, which is why I do believe America will slowly turn into Europe in the next 50 years with higher taxes, a slower pace of life, less innovation, cheaper education, universal healthcare, and a much happier population.
The happiest countries in the world all hail from Europe see chart because they know all about work-life balance.Like, for example, about a month ago I found a cute toy poodle that was blind, and the owner wanted to find a good home for it. I was so obsessed with contacting the owner, I looked up the information that I gathered in the ad and found the owner online!
When I found out that the puppy had already found a good home, I was sooo disapointed. Now I am fixating on a cell phone that I want to get.
I have researched it, and every night I go home and talk about it. I know, get a life, right? That is the funny thing. I have a wonderful life, a gorgeous daughter and a hot husband. I love my life and I am totally content with it. It just seems like I tend to find something to fixate on that will give me something to look forward to. Is this normal? Does anyone have any ideas to get this to stop driving me crazy, because I am starting to feel like I am crazy. I would think that"s normal Your life could be slam full of drama and awfulness instead.
I"m a bit that way but I tend to find other things to think about. Totally normal You will find something that fits your interests, could be a fast short term thing for immedeiate satisfaction or a long term project. Some people go by a 2 week rule Usually, I get fixated on our yearly family reunion I wanted to get a new car Obsessive Compulsive! You obsess over details and gathering all the information so much that it just takes over your life for whatever period of time.
It"s completely harmless It"s very easy to do. If it really bothers you talk to your doctor about it. There are pills you can take Paxil that helps ease that compulsion and obsessiveness!They nag, persist, harass, and endure longer than your patience or composure.
But a few of my strategies have helped me from time to time. Here they are. I need to direct the car back to the highway. Another visualization technique I use is simply to visualize a stop sign. Whenever my thoughts take on a life on their own, I visualize the stop sign. Some OCD experts recommend a ritual that you can do to remind yourself to stop as you visualize the stop signlike snapping a rubber band on your wrist — something to indicate that you need to direct your thoughts back to reality.
I did this for awhile, but the red marks clued too many people in on what was going on inside my noggin. I try my best to change my scenery in any socially acceptable way I can, because the shift can sometimes distract me from my thoughts. In the study, participants who chose angry music before a confrontational task showed greater psychological health than the participants who chose happy music.
The first group reported greater satisfaction with life, better grades, and a stronger network of friends. They deserve it. Hyman, Ph. Take note of these:. Humor is your best friend.
Originally posted on Sanity Break at Everyday Health. Therese J. Borchard is a mental health writer and advocate. You can reach her at thereseborchard.
Find help or get online counseling now. By Therese J. Borchard Associate Editor. Get back on track. Keep moving. Get mad. Beware of old baggage. Identify the distortions. Take note of these: Overestimating risk, harm and danger Over-control and perfectionism Catastrophizing Black and white or all-or-nothing thinking Persistent doubting Magical thinking Superstitious thinking Intolerance of uncertainty Over-responsibility Pessimistic bias What-if thinking Intolerance of anxiety Extraordinary cause and effect 7.
Apply some humor. Image: under30ceo. Psych Central. All rights reserved. Hot Topics Today 1.Re-visualizing the same devastating images of the affair couple together is also very common.
Although this can be agonizing it is actually part of the healing process that will probably go on for some time. However, there are many reasons why almost everyone obsesses after being traumatized. Here are a few common ones. Shock Usually, the mind cannot easily assimilate what has been revealed.
It can be shocking. At first the mind reacts to shock by refusing to fully absorb it. Reconstructing History The feeling of belonging that marriage gives many is based, in part, on a shared history. The revelation of an affair is a direct assault on that experience. Many of the stories, and meanings attached to those stories about the marriage no longer feel true. A much more painful story starts to take shape. Assumptions about who each spouse is and what the marriage has been about no longer hold.
This is a struggle to make sense of what has happened. This is important and useful at times. It can help the discoverer to continue to function at work, or as a parent during the crisis. Trying to Regain Control Obsessive thinking can also be about trying to achieve emotional mastery over the trauma. So, those repetitive thoughts, questions and images are serving particular functions.
But if one desires to truly heal, it is important to get help to move beyond this mode of experiencing. In my next post I will discuss different ways to deal with these disturbing experiences. My husband of 35 years cheated on me with our realtor and family acquaintance. I only knew at the end of the affair when she sent me the thread of sexual messages and emails between them. She sent gory naked details of them as they exchanged them. To think most messages were sent in my presence and he sneaked out of the house to be with her is mind boggling.
The fact that he ended the affair does not make the pain any easier.Bullet For My Valentine - Tears Don"t Fall (Album Edit - with Scream / with Lighter)
Ours was a near perfect marriage and to think I lived ten months of lies and deceit takes away all the trust I had in him. He claims it was his first and is doing everything to make me realize that he regrets his mistake and that he loves me and the children. However, I cannot seem to get over the images of them together and the things they did as evidenced in the details given to me by her.
She even had the audacity to abuse, calling me names via email. Sometimes I feel I can work on my marriage but most times feel I am better on my own. In the 10 months of the affair they promised each other exclusivity.
7 Ways to Stop Obsessing
He kept his word and never made love to me during their affair. To make matters worse, they agreed not to use protection. The gory details about the affair still hurt me and the most pain is to see how deep he had fallen for her.
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He was so expressive about his feelings something I have never known him to be. He bought her intimate and sentimental gifts, gifts he never bought for me in all our years. Big question; was it infatuation like he claims, or had he had fallen deeply in love, and it just did not work out?? Man it the worst thing to find out. They all turned on me; the grand kids, son, daughter and of course, her work buddies.