I have been in a really committed partnership for nearly salso years now; I am a 26-year-old female, he is 34. About 2 years right into the relationship he founding mentioning marriage, we began looking at rings, and also he lugged that entirety concept right into my head. Years have actually previous, and also I’m still waiting. About a year ago, daily comments from people around why I was not married began eating at me. Why did he talk around “as soon as we are married” and “our children” and also “our future” and understand just how essential marital relationship was just to make me keep waiting? Depressed and anxious, I wondered about if we were on the same page which he complied with with an angry, “If you want to understand the reality, I currently have the damn ring!” stab that I haven’t fairly been able to shake. That remained in November last year.

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Due to the fact that then, eexceptionally vacation, pilgrimage, and weekfinish I’ve tried to look my best, yet no proposal. After enin the time of the pain of my cousin’s AND his sister’s engagements, I’ve almost entirely given up any kind of hope. At this point, I feel like he could shove an engagement ring wbelow the sunlight don’t shine. Ugh. Wendy! I love this man and would be lost without him! But I’m tired of being on his time and also his time only! I’m sick of questioning myself, trying to much better myself, wondering, wishing, and waiting. I am honestly harboring so a lot bitterness and also resentment that at this point it’s practically as if, why the hell ask me now? I intend, am I supposed to jump for joy if he goes dvery own on one knee? Scream, “Yay, I’m lastly excellent enough! Seven years, and I guess I’ve lastly waburned enough of your clothes!”? My entirety life revolves around his twisted time frame. Over the years tright here have been a number of occasions he has actually voiced his complaints about the expense of a ring and also wedding and also yet come residence via a very expensive, several-thousand-dollar toy or, ahem, “investment.” What need to I do? I feel that I am shedding my mind. — Tired of Waiting

Well, I suppose, you might just buy ask him to marry you yourself and also whatever before his answer is is the answer. If he states “no” or “not yet” or indicates that you need to go by his timetable, you relocate the fuck on. But, you recognize, I wouldn’t also bvarious other asking this man to marry you. You sound fucking miserable. Why do you desire to authorize on for a life of washing the clothes of some dude that sounds cheap, dishocolony, inconsiderate, and selfish? You’re so obsessed through why he hasn’t proposed, yet I’m really curious about why on earth you’d desire to marry him. Since you love him and also “would be shed without him”? Oh, honey. That’s pitiful. You’ve invested salso years being brainwashed right into reasoning you can’t feature without his lame ass about, and also that’s ssuggest not true. You can function without having a fill of some guy’s shirts to wash, I promise you. But you’re going to have to summon some inner strength, foster some freedom, uncover your dignity, stand also the hell up for yourself, and say, “Fuck this shit! I’ve waited for your sorry ass for salso long years and also I’m done. Take that engagement ring and stick it where the sunlight don’t shine because I am relocating on.”

Even if he ever does propose to you — and also I find that highly skeptical — the chances of your actually having actually a wedding are cshed to zero. He’s going to come up with eincredibly excuse in the book why you can’t afford it and don’t require it. And then if you ever perform obtain married, he’s going to take into consideration you so indebted to him for ultimately wifing you up, that your happiness won’t ever before make his list of priorities. As far as he’ll be came to, that ring bought him the remainder of your life together, making you something of an indentured servant to him while he renders all the significant decisions around how to spfinish your money, wbelow to live, exactly how he spends his time (not through you, is my guess). Ugh. Is that what you want? That’s not what you want! Get out, girl. You don’t need this shit. MOA, MOA, MOA!!!

I freshly began dating a new male, however we aren’t main. He is a really good perboy and also we click. I did a tiny snooping and found his ex’s Instagram. She had a snapshot of a gift her boyfriend had provided her (a cookie cake), which was the precise exact same gift my male just provided me! I might be overreacting to this, yet I can’t shake the feeling he bought it bereason *she* got one. They have been broken up for over two years, and she has been dating her brand-new man for one. Am I overreacting? Or need to we just finish this? — The Way the Cookie Crumbles

It was a cookie cake — one of the the majority of generic, widespread presents among a certain team of human being (i.e. teenagers/young adults, which I’m guess you are one of). I really wouldn’t check out too much right into this except that your man lacks creativity, which isn’t the world’s greatest sin. I would stop worrying about the ex and snooping on her social media pages. And if you honestly feel in your heart that new man isn’t over his ex from two years back, possibly finish the connection before you construct an unhealthy obsession over it.

My boyfriend and also I have been together on and also off for over twenty-five years. He was married, yet finally left his wife 3 years back and moved in via me. She filed for divorce two years earlier. His kids are 26 and 29. He just told me he will be spfinishing Christmas at his family members home through his adult kids and estranged wife. Of course, I am not consisted of. The very same thing taken place last year and he promised me we would certainly be together this year. I think this is a deal-breaker. What do you think? — Excluded from Holidays via His Wife and also Kids

Well, I would have actually thought his being married to and having actually a family via someone else was the deal-breaker, yet given that that wasn’t an worry for you, your values differ greatly from mine and also I’m not certain what to tell you. I intend, yeah, if the most crucial thing for you is to have actually a man who prioritizes the woguy he’s committed to, you’re obviously with the wrong man. If a man who doesn’t respect the union he has actually with the woguy he’s committed to and also spends special occasions in the firm of an additional woguy is a deal-breaker for you, it looks like it’s time to relocate on, honey!


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MissDreDecember 7, 2017, 10:12 am

LW1 been there, done that. Girl, simply move on. I promise, you’ll be so much happier. I was with my ex for 5 years and we retained doing that same song and also dance that you’re doing currently, I maintained feeling the very same method. When I finally left him, he didn’t also attempt to stop me. He didn’t even notification as soon as I moved every one of my clothing out of his area . Your male has not proposed yet because he doesn’t desire to. Just MOA and discover a male who is really excited to marry you.


VathenaDecember 7, 2017, 10:33 am

LW1, I would certainly bet my life savings he is 100% lying about having actually a ring already. He’s saying the minimum of what you want to hear to store you approximately for sex and laundry. YOU are more than great enough. You need to concern around whether HE’S great sufficient (hint: he’s not). Beware, because when he knows you’re really going to leave, that is the moment he can ultimately propose – for the abovementioned sex and also laundry. Don’t acquire sucked back in, because he will drag his feet for another couple of years after that.

The only dating-advice book I ever before check out was “He’s Just Not That Into You”, and also I think it applies right here. Tright here was a area at the end of each chapter called “Here’s what it have to look like”, via examples of points that loving, committed partners execute for each various other in a healthy relationship. In your situation, “what it must look like” provides me think of some friends of mine who have actually been together for 18-ish years, considering that college, and also happily married for 11 years. The husband has explained, on several occasions, the feeling of having simply purchased the ring. “As soon as I had actually it I couldn’t wait to give it to her! I wanted to execute something distinct yet I really simply wanted to go house and propose THAT DAY!” That’s what it’s intended to look like.


CopaDecember 7, 2017, 10:39 am

LW1: Yikes! Yes, move on! If he hasn’t proposed by now, he’s not going to. At this allude you seem to only desire to be chosen by this guy solely bereason you’ve been together for many years. Enough of that! Do YOU really want to choose HIM!? You sound bitter and also resentful toward him. And why are you enabling him to dictate the timeline and also falling right into a depression over it as if you have no option however to wait around? You can have actually a say by walking away. And P.S. It’s creepy as soon as 27-year-olds day 19-year-olds.

LW2: This is really, really stupid. It’s a cookie cake! Did both cakes have “Happy Birthday” written on them? And do you think your man only did that bereason his ex’s boyfriend did that? As stupid as what you created is, though, I think you have to end it considering that you’re so concerned around his ex from two(!) years back.

LW3: You were the various other womale for over 23 years! Wow! That’s really sad.


VathenaDecember 7, 2017, 10:41 am

LW3, I don’t understand what you intended once you began a connection through a man that had a 1-year-old, then continued while he had a brand-new baby, went on family members vacations, watched his kids’ soccer games and also graduations, celebrated anniversaries via his wife, and also spent every holiday with his actual household. It’s not favor you’ve invested Christmas together in 25 years, why begin now? I think the phrase is “you made your bed.”


SpaceyStephDecember 7, 2017, 11:03 am

LW1, let’s carry out some math. This dude 27, was older than you are currently, as soon as you began dating. And you were 19. You know why a grvery own man days a teenager? It’s so he doesn’t need to answer concerns around as soon as are we gaining married and having kids… its so he deserve to mold her into the perfect lapdog of a gf that does his laundry just the means he likes it and accepts the scraps of a relationship he’s willing to market.Dude obviously does not want to gain married. Dangling the idea of a ring in front of you like that was a cruel trick to save you hanging on. If you execute speak to his bluff he most likely will propose, however then it’ll be “why collection a day, allows simply reap being engaged,” and also maybe a few years will go by prior to you acquire fed up again and demand a day and also then what? You’ll inevitably get married to a dude that just married you because he ran out of excprovides. Or, he’ll lastly get the balls to dump you and you’ll have wasted even more years of your life on this douche.

I’m certain you carry out think you’d be shed without him, bereason you have actually spent your whole adult life with him. But you have the right to gain with it LW, and you’ll be stronger for it. Getting married is not a life success or a checkbox or a reward you get for continuing to be in a partnership for X loads of laundry. And its not worth being married to someone you have to beg to marry you.

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I personally feel that if you want to be married then don’t relocate in with a man without a definitive wedding day. No vague assures of ‘someday’ because that day never comes.

I always tell my girls, ‘don’t offer a male wife benefits once he’s only giving you boyfrifinish benefits.’

LW2: you are overreacting. I don’t expect that in a expect means at all; it’s just a fact in this certain instance. You shelp you guys “simply started dating” and also “aren’t official”, which leads me to believe it’s still at an early stage enough in the relationship that you two are still getting to know each other better. You don’t say if he’s friendly still through his ex (not “I haven’t gotten over her” friendly, I intend, yet “our breakup didn’t suck and doesn’t specify us as people” friendly), however I think it’s completely possible that — not learning you and also he will in the future — he experienced the photo, believed “Hey, womales have to like this stuff bereason she preferred it!” and got you the cake.

Is that a really stupid train of thought? Yeah, probably, yet in our defense, guys can be stupid occasionally when it comes to presents. When I think of all the REALLY poor presents I offered exes (and also even my wife!) early on in our relationships . . . I expect, I got her one of those muscle-shocking abdominal belts for our initially Valentine’s Day together (and it was about 8 months at that point) because she had actually one, it damaged, and also she had been saying she had actually been definition to gain another one. When I told my frifinish, all proud around it, her first response was “So you acquired your girlfrifinish a belt that’s designed to assist her LOSE WEIGHT and also FIX HER ABS?” and I basically wanted to crawl under my desk