There’s No Such Thing as "You Made Your Bed, Now Lie in It"

You don't have to be stuck in the past.

Posted January 4, 2017 | Reperceived by Abigail Fagan


For many kind of civilization raised in abusive, neglectful, or dyssensible families, the message "you made your bed, currently lie in it" is a common life philosophy taught and also advocated throughout childhood.

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It’s a message frequently passed down from one generation to the following, especially as soon as tbelow was prior victimization or helplessness. This mindset gets normalized and succeeding generations sheight complex its legitimacy. Instead, the idea is that there are limited selections in life and once they’re made, you’re stuck with them. Even worse, there is the belief that leaving an old “bed” looking for a far better one is irresponsible, selfish, or immature.

Limiting your alternatives is a powerful and also disastrous mantra bereason it discounts many kind of of the basic legal rights you possess as a human being. Those rights include reevaluating your choices and decisions in life, altering your mind and also your course of action to match recurring or changing scenarios. The important decisions you made always emerged within a specific life context:

Maybe you felt pressured to accommoday other human being.Or probably you were unconsciously replaying what was modeled and also normalized for you in childhood.

The truth is, the individual, scholastic, and skilled decisions that met your needs 5, 10, or twenty years ago may be completely irrelevant to your life now. Presently, your eyes may be opened in ways choose never before before. Maybe you"ve tapped into an imaginative, curious, or adventurous component of yourself that wasn’t obtainable in the past; and also that new part has incredibly various needs and desires. Maybe you"ve sindicate outgrvery own those choices previously made that when served you well. Perhaps you’ve come to realize that you deserve more or deserve to be treated via greater love and also respect. The bottom line is you should never before be permanently stuck with an option that operated in the previous yet is no much longer valuable, pertinent, fertile, or safe in the current.

You deserve to leave that “bed” and discover a new one that truly mirrors who you are and also what you currently require and also desire. This is especially essential as soon as you made those prior decisions under press or anxiety. Or you find that you‘ve actually been lying on a harmful “bed of nails.” The brand-new year is a natural time for inward reflection, re-evaluating decisions and choices, and permitting yourself to decide if they still job-related for you or if it’s time to perform something various.

Anyone that insists that you should forever before continue to be with your original options is asking you to remain frozen in time. They may push the concept because it meets their own personal agenda or requirements without considering the influence that it’s having actually on you and your life. People can be quick to weigh in, also once you haven’t asked for their opinion. They’ll provide you advice about what they think is in your best interests. They might make sweeping statements and also judgments about your life even once they don’t recognize the whole story. They can be out of touch via your present demands and feelings or the toll your selections take on your physical, emotional, spiroutine, and also psychological health.

It’s so essential for you to trust your own instincts and inner wisdom. A true authorize of an ever-evolving perboy is one who deserve to look back and also determine the many type of “beds” they acquired to attempt out, live in for a time, and also then move on from. Hopecompletely, you will embrace the concept that this is the healthiest and also most abundant way to live your life!

Share with us a time once you were able to let go of the idea that “you made your bed, now lie in it.”

Adapted from “Finding Your Ruby Slippers: Transformative Life Lessons from the Therapist’s Couch," by Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C, DAPA.

See more: Why Won T You Let Me Go ? Why Won''T You Let Me Go

Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C, DAPA, is a clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and also the founder of the Institute for Advanced Psychotreatment Training and Education.




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Ego and self-serving biases form the life story we share through the world—and with ourselves. The excellent news: An internal reckoning will aid us much better comprehend that we truly are.